Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Who are we to judge?

I believe that us ladies can be our own worst enemies. We can sometimes jump to conclusions or judge other women based on the decisions they make and their perceived lifestyles, even if we don't know the person in question.

This is even truer when it comes to mums. I have read many blogs and heard countless comments about the judgement new mums feel about all manner of mummy related things. From home births vs. pain relief, breastfeeding in public, or full-stop for that matter, to when to wean and whether being a SAHM or a working mum is best, there are endless ways for women to judge each other.

It seems it's in our nature to judge others and the pressure to compare ourselves reaches new extremes when children are added to the equation. Whether it's a baby group clique or a judgemental stare at the school gates, a 'helpful' suggestion made in kind my a friend or an unwelcome comment from a total stranger, I think we can all say we have been judged about our decisions as a mum at least once (to our knowledge).

But actually, when you come to think of it, we can all probably say that we have made judgements about others too, even if we haven't meant to.

Becoming a mum, and learning everything as you go - pretty much until your children are adults themselves - means you're going to make mistakes. You'll do things differently and you'll do things the same as others, all with different results. The cliché remains true - babies don't come with their own instruction manuals. All we can do is try to do our best for our children, in any way we know how.

There is no definitive right way. Just the right way for you. And when you think you've found the right way, be prepared to throw your rule book out the window all over again, as your little one has ideas of their own.

Life has it's own plans too, and no matter what we do, sometimes things don't work out the way we think we will. C'est la vie.

Source

The reason why I am writing this post today is because of the news story that Natasha Hamilton and Ritchie Neville are having a baby together, and the emphasis placed on how this happens to be her fourth child by a fourth father.

I know. Doesn't sound great on paper does it? I have to admit, I thought it might be an April Fool's story when I first heard the news.

Even if you're a really accepting person and believe in 'live and let live', I'm sure you'll still have a reaction to hearing that her children all have different dads.

But who are we to judge her for this?

Well, as the story has been run in OK! and plastered all over the Daily Fail, it seems that the Great British public are the ones who can judge Natasha for her decisions, and not just because she's a celebrity but because she's a woman. I read the Daily Fail most lunchtimes like most of the ladies I know but I am all too aware of how negative it is towards women and how at every opportunity, they verbally bash our gender.

'Oooh, look who's got fat!'.

'How skinny has such-and-such got?'

'So-and-so has a red carpet disaster yet again.'

It's so tiring, but you know the worst thing? The comments that the readers make underneath the stories themselves. Unforgiving, viscous and often downright vile, the people who take the time to comment on the celebrity stories are the most judgemental of all.

Here are some snippets of the responses posted about Natasha's three month baby bump:


Delightful.

I can see the point that some people are making and yes, having four different fathers for all your children isn't ideal, but I'm sure that she didn't plan things that way. Who would?

For her, that's the way things have happened but she's decided to do things in her own way, no matter what. If the children are supported, cared for and loved by both their mum and their dads, why does it matter so much to other people?

Who's business is it? Why not celebrate her happy news? It's an anxious time when you're in early pregnancy and I really wish her every luck. She needs support, not snide comments.

There's too much negativity in the world as it is and being a woman, whether you are a mum or not, is hard. All too often, we seem to be the subject of scrutiny and more often than not, it's women judging women.

Why can't we just be more supportive of each other?

Do you think I'm worthy of a nomination?

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12 comments

  1. I completely agree with this Kelly. I'm a particularly non-judgmental type and I think us women are really our own worst enemies. Perhaps its not great that she has had four children by four different fathers but who knows what her personal circumstances were? As a newly single mum I'm pretty optimistic about my future though I'm sure to be judged for many of my choices! Xx

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    1. I think even if you lead a pretty conventional life, you'll still be judged for your choices. Women are tough on each other. All we can do is try to rise above it. You should be optimistic hun, you're going to do great x

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  2. I don't understand the hype with how many fathers, as long as the kids have a stable home life, a loving mother and see their dad's, thats all that matters, relationships break down for all sorts of reasons, infidelity, falling out of love amongst others, why should she be judged because of those? She needs support like every other mother out there, but people are so quick to judge, I just wish her a healthy pregnancy and hopefully she'll settle down soon :) x

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    1. Heat hear Jess! It's all about making sure the children are loved at the end of the day x

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  3. Surely what matters is the child's upbringin and not their genes?? It does seem a bit of a shock at first but it doesn't define her as mum. I'm sure she loves each child and treats them the same. Me and my brother have different biological fathers but it makes no difference to the family dynamics at all. X

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    1. Completely agree - whatever your situation, you do your best to make it work.

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    2. Anonymous3.11.14

      its crazy 4 kids 4 differnt fathers if she splits up with this partner is she going to get preg by another man not god for the kids gillliverpool

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  4. Gosh we do give each other a hard time. As you said it's almost certain she wouldn't have chose it this way. As long as the children are happy and stable that's the main thing x

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    1. I think we do but people need to be more accepting of one another. The children are the priority.

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  5. So what is preferable? She stays in a relationship with someone she no longer loves and as a consequence makes her child miserable? Or how about she splits from the first guy and remains celibate for the rest of her child-bearing years? OR how about the internet trolls just leave her the EFF alone, and get excited about this 5ive/Atomic Kitten mashup?

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    1. You've hit the nail on the head Daire!


      And I'm also extremely excited by this baby made in 90's pop heaven!

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  6. I don't think I've ever read anything nice in the comments section of the daily mail. Imagine if the tables were turned and we could see the commentators and their lives- I'd totally judge them! haha terrible I know... lol

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