Saturday, 27 May 2017

A year ago today

A year ago today, I left my job of almost 11 years to move on to pastures new. It was a huge decision for me to make (you can read how I was feeling at the time here) as it had been a part of my life, and a part of me, for so long.

So many things happened professionally and personally during that time, it was hard to disconnect the two. I remember sobbing as I left the office that last time and, when picking hubs up just a couple of minutes around the corner, he said nothing as he got in the car and just put the media player on. Because he'd made me a special playlist to help me feel better.

It contained lots of pun filled songs, considering the circumstances. NSync Bye Bye Bye. Spice Girls, Goodbye. M People's Moving On Up. John Denver, Leaving On A Jetplane. Will Young, Think I'd Better Leave Right Now. Queen's Don't Stop Me Now. Meatloaf's Bat Out Of Hell. Europe's Final Countdown. Ending on Green Day's Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life).

Some made me laugh and some brought even more tears.

It was the end of the era. For some people, a job is a job but after so long, it was more and the thought of leaving it behind was terrifying - but exciting too. The opportunities that lay ahead were too good to miss and I wanted - needed - to know I could do more. Be more. Make a difference again. I wanted to find out how others would perceive me, how I would do in a different environment and with new challenges - and the space, scope and belief to do so.  

So, I grabbed the chance to be someone new, somewhere new, no matter how scary it was to do so. And you know what? The people who believed in me, knew that I could do it, that I had more to do and didn't have to be pigeonholed, were right. 

I actually moved on from one 'once in a lifetime' opportunity to another after three months. I couldn't believe what was out there, for me, and I was faced with another hard decision. Either way, I could have been very happy and successful. What an amazing position to be in, after feeling so affected before y paste events.

I've been really reflective this week as in some ways, that life that I led for more than a decade feels a lifetime ago. I can't actually believe how different I feel now to the way I did back then. I actually started to get some anxiety the other night when I couldn't sleep and I tried to recall certain events that started a chain reaction. And it didn't take long to play it all over on my head, and start to drive myself mad all over again. Aside from that night, I left all of that behind a year ago today when I left and listened to the playlist that my hubs so thoughtfully put together. He knew I was a mixed bag of emotions.

If I do look back, I remember the fun times, the people in my team, the client campaigns. I am so grateful for that time and wish that in some ways, I could see more of the people I spent so much time with.

But where I am right now is better. I feel better. I am better, at what I do, how I am and the difference in making. I love my job - and it's not just a jo, again - and the opportunities, prospects and rewards it offers. 

It's a great place to be, literally and figuratively. I just had to believe I could. 


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